I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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