I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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