I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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