This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she told me i tasted like america
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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