Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
