first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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