Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My bed smells like the plague
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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