fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I want a musical about memes.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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