Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize