Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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