My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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