You just made me feel so damn special
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
