I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
