return my video game
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize