Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
