Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
my liver is dry heaving
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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