we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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