Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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