I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
