he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
