I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
