Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
