I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
