HIV tests are more positive than that guy
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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