I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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