you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
