omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
