A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
