I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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