hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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