Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
