Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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