cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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