Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
