he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
