Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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