I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize