the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
