We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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