I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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