I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
