sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
