I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
