Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
