these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
