He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
