i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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