final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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