are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
