Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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