I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
