Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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