I think my vagina is haunted
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
