Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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