Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
