He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
