When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I checked into jail on foursquare
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So apparently I’m into choking now
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize