id be glad to
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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