they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize