So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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