I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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