You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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