I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
