lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
