shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
