Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
