so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
