I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize