I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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