You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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