You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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