When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
