What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Randomize