You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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