There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Alive.
So much puke
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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