its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
