I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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