I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
