if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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