Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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