id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
