i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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