I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
