In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
