Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
