My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
