i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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