I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Who died my cat blue again?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
