You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
