you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
