So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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