I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
