i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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