this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
