So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
