Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
