Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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