My room smells like vodka and shame
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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