the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
