and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
