nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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