i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
