so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize