Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
