oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
