Where did you get a picture of my penis
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
