If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
a search helicopter?!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
