So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
