When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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