why didn't you poke me back
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
