I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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