Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
