A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
