I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
