I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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