Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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