she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
