sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I will pee on everything he values.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize