He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
