I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
