I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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