This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize