Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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