Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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